1 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:11,970 [KNOCKS] 2 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,514 ARTHUR: I'm in here. 3 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,849 Dad, it's the middle of the night. 4 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,225 What are you doin' up? 5 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:20,061 ARTHUR: I didn't realize I had a curfew. 6 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,688 I--I'm sorry. I just, uh, 7 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,023 I need to get something. 8 00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:24,357 ARTHUR: Tell me what it is, 9 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,693 and I'll slide it under the door. 10 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,319 Yeah. Won't work. 11 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,697 Um, are you gonna be long? 12 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,991 [NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS] 13 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,744 Could be a few minutes! 14 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,292 SINGER: * My eyes are gettin' weary* 15 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,045 * My back is gettin' tight* 16 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,713 * I'm sitting here in traffic* 17 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:50,175 * On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 18 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,509 * But I don't care* 19 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:55,347 * 'Cause all I want to do* 20 00:00:55,388 --> 00:01:00,894 * Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 21 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,687 * 'Cause baby, all my life* 22 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,691 * I will be driving home to you* 23 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:17,577 Gimme somethin' to punch. 24 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:18,620 What? What's wrong? 25 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,456 Gimme somethin' to punch now! 26 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,917 Not a friend. 27 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,502 All right, don't beat up our groceries. 28 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,128 Just tell me what's wrong. 29 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,254 Your father's what's wrong. 30 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:29,506 I'm tryin' to get ready for work, 31 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:30,965 I can't even get in the freakin' bathroom. 32 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,594 He spends the whole day in there, like he's at Six Flags. 33 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:35,887 Doug, he's old. 34 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,764 His machinery just takes a little longer 35 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,224 to rev up, that's all. 36 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,850 You--you--that's not all. He's in there messin' around 37 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,936 with a stupid foot massager for half an hour. 38 00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,562 For your information, it was a Waterpik. 39 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,899 Forgive me for not being a bigger fan of gum disease. 40 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,651 Fine, it was a Waterpik. My mistake. 41 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,319 Oh, and by the way, one time, 42 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,737 try not aiming it at the mirror. 43 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,406 It might work out for you. Give her a shot. 44 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,657 Well, I'd probably do better 45 00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,325 if someone wasn't banging on the door, 46 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,536 spewing hateful invectives at me. 47 00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:00,912 CARRIE: All right, Dad. 48 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,164 Stop taunting Doug with words he doesn't know. 49 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,333 Now, both of you count to 10, let me get out the door, 50 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,710 and you can start your slap fight. 51 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,128 Sure, you can run out the door, 52 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,212 but you can't run away 53 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,172 from your responsibility in this matter. 54 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,424 Me? What did I do? 55 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,467 When you insisted I come live here with you, 56 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,969 you specifically promised me 57 00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:18,471 a furnished room with private bath. 58 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,348 I never said that. 59 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,559 You said it with your eyes. 60 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,270 Doug, can we just build 61 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,355 a bathroom downstairs for him? 62 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,606 What? No! 63 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,191 Why not? It's not like he doesn't need it. 64 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,317 He doesn't need it. 65 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:32,610 One bathroom is fine for this house 66 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,195 if he didn't nap in there. 67 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,905 I don't plan them. 68 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,367 So who's gonna pay for this, Carrie? 69 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,744 Well, we can dip into our savings. 70 00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:43,038 I betcha we do the whole thing for less than 1,000. 71 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:47,584 Oh, just a thou? Oh, well, in that case--no. 72 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:48,626 Oh, I'm sorry, Douglas. 73 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,961 Were you saving that money 74 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,630 for yet another 50-foot television set? 75 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,717 What I save my money for is none of your business. 76 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,052 Fine, but bear in mind, 77 00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,970 my bladder has me up 7 or 8 times a night, 78 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,680 and that laundry sink down there 79 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:04,642 is starting to look awfully good to me. 80 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:08,730 And checkmate! Dad wins! Good-bye and good-bye. 81 00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:20,575 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 82 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,577 DEACON: Yeah, come on in. 83 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,245 Hey, come on, man. Let's get goin', huh? 84 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,330 What's up with you? 85 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,831 I had a crappy morning. 86 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,750 I gotta shell out 1,000 bucks 87 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,543 to build a bathroom for Arthur. You believe that? 88 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,087 You never built him a bathroom? 89 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,255 Hmm, that's cold. 90 00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,465 Anyway, 91 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,550 it kills me the way he manipulates Carrie. 92 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,677 He knows what he's doin'. 93 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,887 "Oh, I'm old. 94 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,224 I have different smells." 95 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,436 Well, he is pretty old. 96 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,772 I'm so not into you today. 97 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,107 Listen, don't take it out on me, man. 98 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,609 I'm not havin' such a great day myself. 99 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,611 -Yeah? What's up? -Man, I went out 100 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,405 to marriage counseling with Kelly last night, 101 00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,781 and--and it went pretty well, 102 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,199 so we decided to go out to dinner after, 103 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,118 you know, to keep talking, right? 104 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,662 -So? -So... 105 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,539 so he gets all bent out of shape just because-- 106 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,000 Hehas a name. Thank you. 107 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,543 And perhaps Doug would like 108 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,670 to hear both sides of the story, hmm? 109 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,797 Not that much, no. 110 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,132 Just let it go, all right? 111 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,800 Oh, me? I should let it go? 112 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,760 Um, was I the one that said, 113 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,096 "I'll be home at 8:00. Order a pizza." Was that me? 114 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,765 I'm tryin' to reconcile with my wife, man. 115 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:29,519 Fine. This is a telephone, 116 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,354 and it was invented so that people 117 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,522 could call other people 118 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,898 and tell them not to order a pizza 119 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,400 they have no intention of eating. 120 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,527 It's a pizza. Look, just get my half out of the fridge, 121 00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:38,653 and I'll pay you for it, all right? 122 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,946 -Forget it. -No, come on, here. 123 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,698 I wanna end this. Take this 124 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,491 and give me the rest of the pizza. Come on. 125 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,201 Come on. Come on. Come on. 126 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,412 I ate it, all right? 127 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,913 In a fit of self-loathing, 128 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,751 I wolfed down an entire large pizza by myself, 129 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,253 and you just made me admit it in front of Doug! 130 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,880 Thank you! 131 00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,674 [DOOR SLAMS] 132 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,718 -You all set? -Yeah. 133 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,848 [UKRAINIAN ACCENT] And after I finish with the framing, 134 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,184 I put up half-inch Greenboard. That's very good. 135 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,103 Half-inch Greenboard, huh? Is that cheapest you have? 136 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,688 Well, no. There is quarter-inch. 137 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:14,689 You want that? 138 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:15,857 You know what? That'll be fine. 139 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,567 Quarter-inch? That's not very thick. 140 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,194 -So? -What if you get mad at me 141 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,528 and try to punch your way in? 142 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,323 I wanna feel secure in there. 143 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,574 Quarter-inch. 144 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,368 -I want half-inch. -You don't need half-inch. 145 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,036 I do need half-inch. 146 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,080 H-h-how about three-eights? 147 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,998 Can I have four-eights? 148 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,876 Three-eights will be fine. 149 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,795 If you're looking to save some money elsewhere, 150 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,797 I can get for you a deal on the toilet. 151 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,256 Whoa! Whoa there, Trotsky. 152 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,343 I already picked out what I want in that department. 153 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,012 King of Prussia 154 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,848 in Pacific blue or sandstone. 155 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,059 Arthur, this toilet is 600 bucks! 156 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,103 It's ergonomically correct. 157 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,233 I'm not paying 600 bucks for a toilet! 158 00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,401 Fine! 159 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:00,902 Why don't we just dig a hole in the ground, 160 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,405 line it with newspapers? 161 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,616 Or is a nickel still too much? 162 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,702 Carrie! 163 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,537 [FOOTSTEPS RUNNING UPSTAIRS] 164 00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:11,705 Carrie, you got to go down 165 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,997 and talk to your father right now. 166 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,290 I'll talk to him later. 167 00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:15,917 No, later's too late. I gotta get to work, 168 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,127 and he's outta control on this bathroom thing. 169 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,586 It took me 20 minutes to explain 170 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:21,214 to him why he can't have a view. 171 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,968 I'll deal with it later. 172 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:28,138 -I don't feel well. -Wh-what's the matter? 173 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,515 I don't know. My--my stomach's weird. 174 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,935 You think it's that crab taco you had at the drive-thru? 175 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,854 Youhad that. 176 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,565 You had a bite. 177 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:41,443 No. You wouldn't give me one. 178 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:44,279 They're not that big. 179 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,614 Whatever! It's not from that! 180 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:47,907 I gotta go. I'm so late. 181 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,534 Just talk to your dad when you can, okay? 182 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,869 And take some Pepto-Bismol. 183 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,120 It's not that kind of thing. 184 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,372 -Well, then what is it? -I don't know! 185 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,999 Okay! Good-bye! 186 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,295 [SLAM] 187 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,047 What the hell is it? 188 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:06,343 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 189 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,094 Oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. 190 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,637 I forgot to put my thingy in. 191 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,306 I'll be right back, okay? 192 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,807 All right. I'll get started. 193 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,185 You work your way in, like double dutch. 194 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,024 [HANDLE DOESN'T TURN] 195 00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:22,776 [KNOCKS] 196 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,486 ARTHUR: I'm in here! 197 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,163 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 198 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,083 -ARTHUR: Carrie! -Uh, yeah, Dad? 199 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,501 If you've got a moment, I'd like your thoughts 200 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,878 on some wallpaper samples. 201 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,005 Uh, I'll be out in a minute. 202 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,007 The contractor likes the striped pattern, 203 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,343 but I'm leaning toward the seagulls. 204 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,345 They're a marvelous bird, don't you think? 205 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,389 Uh, Dad, I just-- I just need a minute. 206 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:56,267 Right-o. I'll wait downstairs with the contractor. 207 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,990 Oh, boy. 208 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,327 [WHISTLING] 209 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,959 So, where are you from exactly? 210 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,502 I was born in Kiev. 211 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,129 Ah, yes! Kiev. 212 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,672 Jewel of the Ukraine. 213 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,841 -You have been there? -No. 214 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,093 But I hear good things 215 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,889 Oh, darling, good. 216 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,141 Here's a third wallpaper choice 217 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,934 I'm also considering. 218 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:41,187 Lively cartoons of various people in the John. 219 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,107 What do you think? 220 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,984 Uh, it's--it's fine. 221 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,570 I'm sensing some hesitation. 222 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,405 Too randy? 223 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,408 Think it might cause a stir? 224 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,451 I-I'm sorry, Dad. 225 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,995 I really can't focus on that right now. 226 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,455 Alex, I think we might have to put a pin in this 227 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,040 till next time. 228 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,042 Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. 229 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,794 Hmm! 230 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,088 Look at this drunken fella. 231 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,174 Doesn't even realize the lid's down. 232 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,509 Marvelous! 233 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,221 I'm--I'm pregnant. 234 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,598 Hmm? 235 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,682 I'm sorry, dear. What? 236 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,809 I'm... 237 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:20,894 I'm... 238 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,604 I'm pregnant, Dad. 239 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:23,605 Well, that's terrific! 240 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107 No! No, it's not terrific! 241 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,443 We weren't--we weren't trying for this now, Dad. 242 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:31,613 We just-- we just got careless. 243 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,822 So what, darling? 244 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,200 Nature works in its own wonderful way. 245 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,118 This has nothing to do with nature. 246 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,287 I couldn't get in the bathroom and get what I needed, 247 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,165 because you were locked in there listening to Enya! 248 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:50,757 Well, I offered to slip your doohickey under the door. 249 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,259 Yeah, well, I didn't want you to touch my doohickey. 250 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,096 Okay? But that's not the point. 251 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,139 The point is we're not prepared for this, Dad. 252 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,350 We--we barely have enough money in the bank 253 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,310 to--to build you your bathroom. 254 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,270 A kid is like 10 bathrooms! 255 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,690 And that's if we don't let it go to college! 256 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,274 Oy! 257 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,401 Darling, many years ago, 258 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,403 I anticipated that this day would come, 259 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:15,156 so I put together a plan that would help you kids out 260 00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,492 with your financial needs. 261 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,910 -You did? -Yes. 262 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,622 Looking back, I wish I had followed through on that plan. 263 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,920 But in my defense... 264 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,756 the dog races are terribly fixed. 265 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:34,843 Dad, you know what? 266 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,344 It's not your responsibility. 267 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,097 Doug and I made a dumb mistake, and now-- 268 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,016 well, I don't even know what now. 269 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,225 I'll tell you one thing. 270 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,768 You got to talk to Douglas right away. 271 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,103 I can't. I have to go to work. 272 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,230 Work, schmerk! This is your life! 273 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,982 You need to hold each other. 274 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,693 Dad, my boss has a huge deposition today 275 00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:52,819 which starts in-- 276 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,320 less than an hour! I got to go. 277 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,239 I will tell him when I get home from work tonight, 278 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,534 and don't you tell him if he gets home first, okay? 279 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,618 Fine, whatever. 280 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,329 Dad, this is a personal matter, okay? 281 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,373 I need you to look me in the eye and swear on mom's grave 282 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,125 that you won't tell him. 283 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,337 Pick a different grave. How about Aunt Lottie? 284 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,963 Dad! 285 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,048 Fine. I won't tell him. 286 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,842 Thank you. I love you. 287 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,719 Love you, too, sweetheart. 288 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,146 Okay, kids, last time I checked, 289 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,399 packages don't deliver themselves. Chop, chop. 290 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,650 All right, I'm outta here. 291 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,110 Where do you want to meet for lunch? 292 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,197 Anywhere as long as it's a castle and it's white. 293 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,908 -1:00? -See you then. 294 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,952 Hello, Douglas! 295 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,621 Arthur, what are you doing here? 296 00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,790 Ah, nothing special. I may be sending a package soon, 297 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,542 and I wanted your outfit to get first crack at the business. 298 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:52,796 So far, I like what I see. 299 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,964 Okay, once again, what are you doing here? 300 00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:57,050 Is this about your stupid bathroom? 301 00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:59,803 Not at all, but, hey, since fate has thrown us together, 302 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,097 what say we pop into the city and see Carrie? 303 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,223 Come on. Road trip! 304 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,557 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa. 305 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,142 -Is Carrie okay? -She's fine. She's fine, 306 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:10,313 but I do think you should speak to her immediately. 307 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,483 There's a bit of a situation. 308 00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:14,651 Well, what is it? 309 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:15,985 I am forbidden to tell. 310 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,905 -Would you just tell me?! -I'm forbidden! 311 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:19,823 Heffernan. 312 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,282 That thing I said before, 313 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,867 that was just chummy boss talk, 314 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,620 but the fact is packages really don't deliver themselves. 315 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,913 I'm sorry, Mr. O'Boyle. 316 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,415 It's just that I have a little family crisis. 317 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,708 More of a situation actually. 318 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,835 -A situation, right. -What is it? 319 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,169 I don't know. He won't tell me. 320 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,171 I've been forbidden. 321 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,214 Who are you? 322 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,424 A concerned citizen. 323 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:38,925 He's my father-in-law. 324 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,385 Is it all right if I go into the city and talk to my wife? 325 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,804 What? Oh, come on, Heffernan. 326 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,973 I mean, I got wife problems as well. 327 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,683 You don't see me runnin' outta here 328 00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:50,228 just 'cause she took the kids back to India. 329 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,690 Sir, the man has a legitimate situation to deal with at once. 330 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,900 Well, what the hell is it? 331 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,278 Come here. 332 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,158 -[WHISPERING] -Really? 333 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,826 Well, that's terrific. 334 00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,037 ARTHUR: Wait. There's more. 335 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:11,499 Ohhh! Ooohh. 336 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,043 That's a shame. 337 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,545 All right, Heffernan, you can go. 338 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,172 Come on! 339 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,340 W-w-w... 340 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:21,051 -What is it?! -I'm forbidden! 341 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,138 BERENSON: Now, Mr. Mazzeo, in your testimony 342 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,182 before the securities and exchange commission, 343 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,726 you specifically mentioned that you had no knowledge 344 00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:31,144 of the pending merger. 345 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,688 And you signed an affidavit to that effect as well. 346 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,899 Could I see that, please, Carrie? 347 00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,778 -Carrie? -Hmm? I'm sorry. What? What? 348 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,613 Could I please see Mr. Mazzeo's affidavit, please? 349 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,281 Oh. Sure, you can. 350 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,992 Okay, affi...affi... 351 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,536 affi...davit. There you go. 352 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:49,954 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 353 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:54,334 Now, Mr. Mazzeo, if I can refer you to page 51, 354 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,919 specifically paragraph 5... 355 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,462 Oh, God, would you look at this gas bill? 356 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,047 Can we put this on a credit card? 357 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:02,300 We could if it hadn't been scissored in half at McDonalds. 358 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,095 [SIGHS] What about all these frequent flyer miles? 359 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,764 Can we use them for anything? 360 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,432 Yeah, that's a minus sign. 361 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,351 We owe them miles. 362 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,602 [CRASH] 363 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,187 Could you deal with that, please? 364 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,064 Your turn! 365 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,610 [BABY CRYING] 366 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,862 CARRIE: Doug Junior-- 367 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,739 Oh! 368 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,533 Oh, okay--oh, that's not good-- 369 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,159 sweetie, no, no-- 370 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,539 There we go. There we go. There we go. 371 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,790 Oh! Oh! 372 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,291 Ooh! No, no, that's mama's-- mama's-- 373 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,461 no, mama's sad-- mama's sad-- 374 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,796 [BABY TALK] 375 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,131 No, no, no. No, no, no. 376 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,173 Dougie-- sweetie-- 377 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,299 sweetie, be careful-- 378 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,426 you gotta be careful-- 379 00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,552 play nice-- no, no-- 380 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,554 play-- no, no-- 381 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,805 I need that-- neat, please-- 382 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:51,474 yeah, okay, baby-- 383 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,893 [GROANING] 384 00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,855 It's okay, it's okay-- 385 00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,274 [GROANS] 386 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,870 Doug Jr., it's time to go home. 387 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,334 Come on, sweetie. 388 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,502 We have to leave now. 389 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:20,837 Hey, Dougie, 390 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,047 you want some ice cream? 391 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:26,217 Yeah, yeah, come on, come on baby. 392 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,011 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 393 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:30,805 Yeah, come on. Come on, baby. 394 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:34,476 Yeah. Yeah. Oh! 395 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,935 It... honey, it's OK, 396 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:39,522 ice cream. Ice cream. Yeah. 397 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:42,108 Yeah. Come get it, baby. 398 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,943 Honey, slow... you gotta slow down, baby. 399 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,904 Baby, you gotta slow down. Yeah. 400 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,239 Slow down. Slow down. 401 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,407 Whoo. 402 00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,709 -BERENSON: Carrie! -Hmm? Oh! 403 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:00,877 Can I see the transcript, please? 404 00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:04,547 Oh! Sure, I'm sorry. There you go. 405 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,716 Now, Mr. Mazzeo, 406 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,302 on the 14th of August, you-- 407 00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:15,350 uh, excuse me one moment, please. 408 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,559 What's going on? 409 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,061 Hi, I'm Carrie's husband. 410 00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,938 Any chance I could just speak to her for a moment? 411 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,147 We're in the middle of a deposition. 412 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:21,940 Can it wait? 413 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,566 I'm pretty sure it can't, 414 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,902 but I'm not positive. 415 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,070 I don't understand. 416 00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,822 It's a very sensitive matter 417 00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:31,366 he's not privy to at the moment. 418 00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,243 You see-- 419 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,705 -come here. -Stop telling people! 420 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,164 Look, tell me! 421 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,666 I'm forbidden. 422 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,418 Doug? Dad? 423 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,794 Here's your husband. 424 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:43,795 Now talk to him. 425 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,839 I'll be waiting in there. 426 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:46,923 Carrie, what the hell is going on? 427 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,133 He won't tell me anything. 428 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,552 Dad, why did you bring him down here? 429 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,761 I am working. 430 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,140 This is more important. Now tell him. 431 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,100 Doug, I--I really can't talk right now. 432 00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,936 The thing is, um, I'm pregnant. 433 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,146 And I'm terrified we're gonna be broke, 434 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,481 and I love you, and we'll talk at home. 435 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:09,863 So, in the mood for a knish? 436 00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,244 They asleep? 437 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,039 Finally. Kirby put up a helluva fight, though. 438 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,958 Had to read him Everyone Poops4 times. 439 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,168 God, he's obsessed with that book. 440 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,961 I think I know it by heart now. 441 00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,838 It's a good book, though. I actually never realized 442 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,716 that everyone poops. 443 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,302 Yeah, well, the title does give it away. 444 00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:38,475 Anyway, I guess I should head on back to Spence's. 445 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,018 Sure. Okay. 446 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,479 So, I'll, uh-- I'll, uh-- 447 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,647 see you at counseling on Thursday, right? 448 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,775 -Right. -Right. 449 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,193 All right. 450 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,529 Deacon... 451 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,822 Yeah? 452 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,407 Look, I have half a lasagna from yesterday. 453 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,952 I could heat it up if you haven't already eaten. 454 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,580 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 455 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,707 -Hello? -Hey, man, it's me. 456 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,334 Oh, hey. Where are you? 457 00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,711 I'm at home and I'm just gonna hang out here for dinner, okay? 458 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:07,837 SPENCE: No problemo. 459 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,506 Probably be home about 10:00. 460 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,799 I'll see you then. 461 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,843 And, hey, thanks for the phone call. 462 00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,178 Not so hard, was it? 463 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,180 You're right, you're right. My bad. 464 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,973 Listen, have a good dinner. 465 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,976 I'll catch you later, buddy boy. 466 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,478 [TELEPHONE BEEPS OFF] 467 00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,030 CARRIE: I'm not ready. I'm not ready. 468 00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,323 I am so not ready. 469 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,117 All right, come on, will you just calm down. 470 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,243 Doug, this is not a situation 471 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,911 that calls for calming down, okay? 472 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,080 As a matter of fact, why don't you calm up?! 473 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,040 OK, there's no such thing. 474 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,917 You can only calm in one direction. 475 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,461 Well then maybe they should change that. 476 00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:49,629 Why are you so upset? 477 00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:50,880 We wanted to have a baby eventually, right? 478 00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,174 Yes, eventually, Doug. Not today. 479 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,801 It's like being offered a job on Monday, 480 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:57,053 but you have to start on Tuesday. 481 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,639 "Congratulations, you're our new pregnant person! 482 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,182 See you at 9 A.M.!" 483 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,600 and I can't even tell them that I don't want the job 484 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,936 because I've already been fired from my old job 485 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,354 as a not-pregnant person. 486 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,064 I'm not even allowed near the building! 487 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:09,733 Okay, will you stop straightening up for a second? 488 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,401 I can't! We're having a baby! 489 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:14,404 Yeah, well, he's not dropping by tonight. 490 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:20,577 [SIGHS] Now, listen to me. 491 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:21,786 What? 492 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,080 Everything is gonna be fine. 493 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,042 But you have to stop worrying. 494 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,460 How can I stop worrying, Doug? 495 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,087 We're--we're broke, we're unprepared, 496 00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,089 and I drop things. 497 00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,258 You know your Jets mug? 498 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,969 That wasn't my dad. That was me. 499 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,972 Come here. Will you just listen to me? 500 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,766 From this moment 501 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,601 until the moment Bruce is born... 502 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,144 Bruce? 503 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,693 -After Springsteen, no? -No, but go on. 504 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,904 Until the moment he is born, 505 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,656 all the burden is on me. 506 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,951 Okay, I'm gonna work overtime, I'll get a job at night, 507 00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:04,287 we'll sock away a lot of money, okay? 508 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,830 And if anything comes up, I'll take care of it. 509 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,582 Anything. 510 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:09,918 Well, what do I do? 511 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,294 You just think happy thoughts 512 00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:14,255 and grow a baby. That's your only job. 513 00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,593 Not counting your regular job. We need that. 514 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,429 I'll try. 515 00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,515 But I'm gonna freak out, Doug, sometimes. 516 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,809 -I can't help that. -So then you freak out. 517 00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,060 But then you call me, okay? 518 00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:30,397 'cause I'm always wearing my phone, huh? 519 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,065 Oh. 520 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:33,942 Other side. It's on the other side. 521 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:37,278 Look, it'll ring, I'll find it, trust me. 522 00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,323 Are we on the same page? 523 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:43,076 I just feel bad giving you the whole burden. 524 00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,328 Don't feel bad. Burden me up! 525 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,080 Grrrr! 526 00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,418 All right? 527 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:52,752 Fine. 528 00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,506 Well? Give it to me. 529 00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,633 What? You want me to, like, 530 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:01,177 mime giving it to you? 531 00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:04,472 I think it would be a nice symbolic gesture, yes. 532 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,767 All right. 533 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,486 That's it? 534 00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:20,113 Yes. 535 00:21:20,155 --> 00:21:22,032 You're lying. I know there's more! 536 00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:24,367 I know there's more. Come on, you're holding! 537 00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:26,161 Aha! 538 00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:29,372 Ohhh! 539 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:32,417 Oh, that is pure burden. 540 00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,296 You're an idiot. 541 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,757 I love you. 542 00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:45,347 So, should I conclude that 543 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:48,683 the storm has passed? 544 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,769 Yes, Dad. 545 00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,447 And break. 546 00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:10,705 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]